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Elephant Noose

by Elephant Noose

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1.
Introduction 01:21
2.
Staring at my phone, getting sunburned in the street alone. Well, my skin is peeling, but I cannot feel it. Has anybody been doing good in the Anthropocene? Stuck where the feed ends, buried in weekends. Must feel good to be alive when it’s not that hard to be alive. And all I can do is clean blood out of the carpet as we try to wait and try to get, somehow, something that’s ours. After all this time, we think it's enough to be angry. And yeah, we still buy it cause privilege is quiet. Bedridden, I'm trying but getting weaker all the time. Sick with a mission of coward's attrition. Yeah, it's good to be so goddamn comfortable all the time while we're all trying to clean blood out of the carpet; Didn't you say to always leave a place cleaner than you found it? You're deaf to the sound of every beak, filling up on carrion, while we're wading through a sea of government teeth. But I know that time spent trying to learn the words of all these ancient melodies is not spent deafened by the death of language anymore; I'd like to believe while we're trying hard to grieve all the accumulating dead bodies, we're singing along.
3.
Untitled 02:02
Whistling into the bitter cold, ungodly hour, struck from the blackest coal. But here in the light, it's all so clear: "I'm not dead anymore, and in fact I never was." Open eyes adjust to the light of day, or it's standing dumb in blinding white, and I don't wanna live that way. You cry aloud and shield your eyes from the sun, saying "If we don't understand, it's better to run!" I'm a lot like you, it's just that I know I could never really understand enough to know just what it's like to be you.
4.
Cemetery 02:33
Time to go, but the fear remains. Standing still, I start to think I’m better off this way. Feel like I’m just barely here, and I’m afraid I’ll disappear. I’m held to the grave by my very own blade; defiant, dared into the cemetery where I’ll die of fright, just too terrified to turn around and see… Calling out between the rooms; I died for something, but I've forgotten lying lazy in the tomb. When did I get so afraid? Seems like yesterday I was okay. I’m held to the grave by my very own blade; defiant, dared into the cemetery where I'll die of fright, just too terrified to turn around and… see something through to the end. I've been tired for fifteen years. Spent too much time in bed; I'm still trying to fix my head. And although brain-dead, I’ll get there.
5.
Interlude 1 01:00
6.
Watchmakers 02:37
I am aligned with long dead stars whose light’s still alive and moving- well, nevermind. It’s a tired analogy anyway, and I’m tiring out. But still, I wonder what will come. Through the white mist is a cold stone hand, lifted from the sea, bigger than we are. Watching from a distance, we appear to be shrinking and sinking into the dawn. Bundled forms huddled but getting stronger. Our hands together, side by side, lost in morning light. God’s cold hand, severed, carried off into the hazy sky. “If I shouted, who would hear among choirs of angels?” “I will.”
7.
Interlude 2 01:46
8.
The process survives, buried deep underground, slowly now, slowly now, slowly now, slow. Standing inside the mouth of the earth, I ask, slowly now, slowly now, slowly now, slowly now: “Will you right my wrongs? What will be left of all our crimes when we disappear?” Very little, probably; traces of sedimentary evidence? My mother’s voice carried along through the caverns, she’s calling out, calling out. Will I survive, buried deep underground? Softly now, Softly now, Softly I say: 

“Will you right my wrongs? What will be left of all our crimes when we disappear?” Very little, probably; traces of sedimentary evidence? I think I’m gonna try anyway, and crawl down, deep into the stone, where it’s so close to home. Lie and wait for everything to quiet down, and try to recall the melody she used to sing me to sleep.
9.
Every day, when I wake up I feel I've got some new condition, and maybe I do; body rejecting all the goddamned stupid cancerous self-interest in ever-increasingly horrible ways. What have I done? Hell, I’m only immune to revelations and changes of heart; as the flesh writhes and withers away, I cover it with new clothes. Awake in candlelight, grasping with new hands but not sure how they work. Into the mirror: “I ought to be thy...someone.” I curse myself or some old wretch I don’t even know. But here, he’s staring back at me; when he moves, I do too. “The feel of fire on the rock, how it grows; oh aponia! The rot comes later, so why worry now?” I’d love to get away for a few days, maybe more. Out on the water, blown and breaking on the shore. Wait, what’s that sound? “Come down, just a bit further under the plough.” “Till human voices wake us, and we drown.”
10.
Interlude 3 01:53
11.
Hail Lucifer, vulgar and umbilical! I’m half-trying to shake it off, but I know that I can't fight it. I sold my soul, but it’s not my fault; I’m just a fool in love with poisoning my own supply. “Time without a taste: time without decisions.” Lately, I’ve been thinking, “I wonder what will come,” And now I know.
12.
Sunday Blues 02:58
Concrete cracks, emerging weeds, I look down and see the shadow of an early tree. Through the soft New Orleans heat, I can hear your voice is buzzing like a streetlight: "Look for me in every shadow that you see." But all I say is "Goodnight." Suddenly seized, I breathe but our common air is wasted in my lungs; And all I say is "Goodnight." Yeah, goodnight. To the trees: "Please don't go, I need your canopy and I'm not sure where I'm going but will you cover me anyhow? I am wasting all my time building immunities. Yeah, I'm just wasting all my time. My body is stiffening, creaking, and getting weak while I'm still trying to get back home."

about

Pay what you want, but know that all proceeds from this album will go to the following organizations during this pandemic:

Streetwatch LA
LA-CAN
Black and Pink

If you have a preference or suggestion, let me know, but either way you'll get an email with a screencap of where your money is going. Thank you.

credits

released April 30, 2020

All songs by J. Holtane
Vocals, Electric, Acoustic, and Bass Guitars: J. Holtane
Drums: J. Berg

Engineering, mixing, and mastering: M. Post at Moosecat Recordings in Los Angeles, CA.
Background vocals recorded by M. Cumming.

Cover art/design: J. Rose
www.rosefur.com

Immense and endless thanks to my immensely and endlessly supportive family and friends.

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Elephant Noose Los Angeles, California

Hell, it’s not so bad!

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